


Hold On Tight, We're Destroying the Night

by majormania



Series: Mirror 'Verse [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Bellamy has an aversion to mirrors, F/M, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4279584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majormania/pseuds/majormania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up avoiding mirrors in a space station made of glass and metal was a pain in the ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On Tight, We're Destroying the Night

The Ark never had many mirrors. But everything was made of some kind of reflective surface. And Bellamy Blake fucking hated it.

His aversion to mirrors has always been there. He just didn't notice it until he was thirteen and flinched away from one.

He knew it had something to do with his never ending self-hatred. He also knew that whenever his mother looked at him she looked pained. He must look exactly like his father. Whoever the hell he is.

Growing up avoiding mirrors in a space station made of glass and metal was a pain in the ass.

He got to the point that, when he was seventeen, he had a panic attack when he saw his reflection. A stranger was looking back at him and he panicked.

When he's twenty-two, he gets Octavia caught and his mother floated. The whole self-loathing thing kind of kicks off to nuclear levels.

Then he's a janitor and it's his job to make things shiny and reflective. He laughs until it becomes hysterical and then he finally cries when he figures that one out.

He's twenty-three and his sister has been locked up for a year when Shumway comes to him.

His first thought is of Octavia. He would burn the cosmos if it meant protecting her.

His second thought is that there are no mirrors, no reflective surfaces other than water on Earth.

His third thought is the one that convinced him to take the gun. He already killed his mother, killing the man that pressed the button to release her into space could never be as heart breaking as that.

So he takes the gun.

And when he gets to Earth it's like everything he's ever imagined and more.

Then he gets to work. Destroying everything in his path. The Ark will not join them on Earth. For once in is godforsaken life, he's doing something for himself.

The wristbands come off first. Then the wall goes up (because Grounders, and really why are they so shocked?). Then the radio gets destroyed. Well, he destroys the radio.

Then 320 people die and he is forced to watch the funeral.

He throws up in the bushes.

And of fucking course, Octavia goes missing. And he loses three people on the rescue mission (goddamn fucking Grounders).

Then he does something that even he is surprised by. He tortures the Grounder. He tells Octavia that it's because they need the antidote. And that is the reason. But deep inside, he knows what really pushes him to do it is his rage. Built up over seventeen years and finally exploding.

After telling the Princess that who they are and who they need to be to survive, he throws up in the same bushes.

He's been pardoned. He's been pardoned and he's feeling relief. But that rage is still there. That rage and self-loathing that causes him to do stupid things.

And even years later, when everything has calmed down and they haven't lost anyone to outside forces in almost two years, he still can't look in mirrors.

He can't look at his reflection, because he doesn't like what he sees. He can't take the pain and the anger and the self-hatred that he sees in his own eyes.

But he can look Clarke in the eyes. He can search and see that she feels the same. She deals with it too. He can look at her and see that he has become more. More than just a personification of hatred and misery.

And so while he can't look at his own reflection, he no longer flinches away from it. He is no longer afraid of himself.


End file.
